A Big Month

The month of August has been full of growth for our Benjamin. He has improved in so many areas including development and attachment. He is almost walking now- and is feeding himself when he wants to. He loves his Mommy- and is obsessed with his sister. I took the month of August off of school to stay home with him and work on his skills. It has paid off. My husband is staying home with him during the month of September. We have been visiting the babysitter and Nannie's house a lot in order to get him adjusted to the new places he will be staying. Ben just does not handle change very well. He still has moments of unexplained crying and the bad days are not gone- but he is sure showing us his personality these days. He is a stubborn little boy- who will not give control over easily. But he can be so sweet- and lovable. We have signed up with First Steps so that they can help us- help him- to catch up on his skills. We had formal pictures taken of Ben and ER and all I can say is WOW!

Update on Ben!!

So we have been home almost 7 weeks now. Benjamin is getting better and better every day. He is not crying as much as is simply more at ease now. I will say that I think he "LIKES" all of us. I know it will be awhile before he loves any of us. It shows in the small things he does like slipping me a smile when I did nothing to earn it. Or crawling into my lap and cooing loudly all on his own. It is wonderful. But he still is hesitant about getting too intimate with me. Rocking him is way too personal for him. He will not let me get that close- just long enough to get his bottle and then down he goes. I so want to snuggle with him in the bed- but nope- that is not happening now. He will roll quickly away and avoid my touch. But we are progressing that is for sure. We visited the Nashville Zoo and have been back to the Pool a few times. But we are still keeping him close to home. I am taking a leave from school to prepare him for a babysitter. That is not something I am looking forward too. I so want to stay at home with him but we just cannot swing it. Ugh. Emma is warming up to him and is very protective of her little brother. Ben LOVES Emma and wishes she would notice him more. Life is good at the moment. Thanks for checking in with us!

Home 1 month

Things are finally starting to feel normal around here. Finally. Man- June was a LONG month. Benjamin is doing much much better. He has accepted me and I think is starting to like our family. He is smiling a lot now and is visibly more relaxed. He still has his moments- big huge horrible moments- but they are becoming few and far between as time goes by. We still have a lot of mountains to climb but things are so much better than in the beginning. He now wants me to hold him all of the time. I repeat- all of the time. Gets very tiring on this 41 year old woman. ER is very needy as well. She has been a trooper though. Ben has cried a lot and still cries a lot. It really grates on my nerves and I understand him. She doesn't understand and has had to really think about things. Whew. We have not really gone anywhere big. Just to the pool, and to church, and our big outing-- Dinosaur World!! Ha. Ben seems to like to go places and does well when out. I am still adjusting to 2 kiddos and the work that goes with them. Ugh. But compared to a month ago--- we are doing great!!!!

Happy Birthday Ben!

Tomorrow is our baby Ben's first birthday. Almost exactly 1 year ago we sent our application in to our adoption agency informing them of our decision to add another child to our family. Our Ben was born at that same time. Due to his adjustment problems we are keeping things normal and will party later on in the summer. Don't worry Ben- there will be many many more birthdays to spend with us! He is slowly adjusting and showing us more and more of who he really is. Every day gets a little better than the last. But until I can grab him at will and kiss him all over his sweet little face- I will not rest. That day will come I know- just be patient. Everyone tells me this and I know it is true. But it is very hard. Extremely hard. He is starting to let me into his world a little at a time. I sometimes push too hard and he pushes back. But today has been a really good day. What a cutie pie.

Slowly adjusting.

Things have been slowly getting better around here. Benjamin has gone from hating me to thinking I'm OK if Dad is not around. He loves his Daddy!! His sleep patterns are still way off and we are up most of the night. We are trying to figure that out too. Today I took Ben for a walk outside- and he cried and cried of course- but in the end calmed down and let me swing him to sleep in the swing. (progress I say!!!) We are seeing more and more of his personality every day. Whew. This is hard.

We are home!!

Well, thank the Lord we made it home in one piece and slightly sane. There is just nothing one can do to make that 14 hour plane ride enjoyable. I have never been in first class so maybe there is a secret. Ben did great on the plane. Slept a lot. He decided quickly that Vanous was his favorite. He tolerated Vanous holding him as long as he was in the carrier facing out. On the plane he let us lay him in the Bassinet the plane provided for some time as well. So that was all good. But he did not like me at all. He would cry if I touched him. Refused to take a bottle from me even if positioned away from me. Wail if I picked him up. So poor Daddy had to be the babysitter ALL THE WAY HOME. ER was a trooper. She did much better than us all. We were greeted at the airport by friends and family. And thanks to my Mom had supper on the table for us and a refrigerator full of groceries. I was exhausted- physically and emotionally. I have read numerous blogs and books about this kind of trauma but to see it in person was truly heartbreakiing. And to be refused by him just about killed me. We were up all night with him on our first night home as well just to add to the exhaustion. He is raging as he grieves the loss of his world. (raging is scary) Thank goodness, my Mom and Sister came to take care of ER and the house while we rested best we could and let me try to get him to trust me. He is doing better. He let me carry him around in the carrier today for about 3 hours. He is tolerating my touch and will let me play with him somewhat. But Daddy is still the one. We have not taken many pictures so I'll have to post again with them later. He is adorable. Hoping to sleep a little tonight.

Jennifer

Gotcha Day

It has been a very long day. Poor Ben. He is totally upset. He has cried nonstop since the handover. He will not let us hold him. Just cries. Heartbreaking wails. Looks around the room for something familiar and then cries harder. Poor baby. We have done all we can to try to get him calm but I think he just needs to grieve. He finally cried himself to sleep. So sad. I may cry myself to sleep as well. ER has been a trooper. She has been absolutely no trouble on this trip and took the day in stride. We are trying to pack now since our bus leaves in the morning at 7:15. Pray for the people sitting next to us on the plane. Ugh. No pictures this time. Trust me- you really did not want to see the ones we took.

On a happier note- during the 30 minutes or less that he was calm- he gave us a couple of the most beautiful smiles that would melt your heart. We are really hoping to see more of those tomorrow. REALLY HOPING!

Bye